2003-01-15

lacking

:: the early november ::

i composed a list. a list of everything i want to do, accomplish, or be. its quite extensive. two pages in fact. i won't jade you with all of the lifetime expectations i have for myself, so the following is a mere sample.

- write a novel for myself and be happy with it
- go back to school
- find a career i love
- move far away
- achieve normal sleeping habits
- learn to be forgiving
- have a house in the hills with trees, a pond and a hammock that sways in the wind
- be in love and be loved in return
- speak french fluently
- complete a task that i can be proud of

now that i've written this, i want to be able to cross it all off. im impatient and i loath the idea of waiting years and years until i am finally satisfied with the past i look back on. i covet the thought of waking up somewhere else, someone else in a way.

i think i need transformation. i need my daily routine to shift into days with less consistency. i'm ready to trade it all in for something more diverse. this undying repetition has far surpassed the status of dull and boring.

im ready for something new.

lunaadored at 7:50 p.m.

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