2004-05-02
again
:: beck ::
somedays are just too much to bear. its painful to see someone you love take each second as if it were a lifetime.
everyday is a new day, but i understand just how hard it is to leave the past behind. those hurdles rarely leave your rear view mirror. constantly, they are standing in our way, even once we have jumped over them, they remain in our view, stay in their strong position, ready to block us once again.
and when those leaps haunt someone you love, those hurdles become yours and begin to bare your name just the same.
i am also learning that truly, love is nothing short of meaningless without some sort of trust.
let me just say that i made a slight mistake sometime this past year. it was nothing serious, but enough to tip the scale and i paid dearly for it, and am still. and now the same has happened on the other end and i am now the one dealing with the fright and sadness.
any mistake that leans against love is hard to forgive. things that are said between two people are never just words. words are born from thought and thought tends to lead to action and that is what unbearable.
unbearable, yet not unforgivable.
who wants the only person they love, the only person they trust and depend upon to be romantically affectionate to someone else? no one.
life is difficult enough. friends are rarely friends, and lovers rarely lovers. when you think you've found what you've always been looking for, its depressing to look into the mirror and find a fool staring back at you. and sadly, that is often the case.
and the world revolves around commitments. without another, you are nothing. absolutely nothing. even the strongest of us search and yearn for attention of some form. sexual, intellectual, spritual, all forms of attention are addicting and we do our absolute best to seek it out.
i watch him expieriencing the world around him, and i wonder what he is thinking, i'm curious how he truly feels. then i see him glance at me and i wonder what he feels about me among all this clutter.
perhaps im just that, a piece of the mess... possibly a space among the objects, hopefully a comfort of some sort.
his talent is incredible, easily recognized, and often verbalized by others, yet he pretends to be blind. he writes with an empty heart and too often holds himself to difficult, and obscene standards. he is individual and needs to set his image beyond the crowds, not among.
you're better than that.
and you know it.
lunaadored at 12:06 a.m.