2004-03-10
je t'aime
:: iron and wine :: (i can't get enough lately)
Days seemed only days to me, hours just the same, minutes only pointless. People should have been muted, for they never spoke with intelligence. Everything and everyone lacked meaning.
The sound of voices, shutting doors, laughing, and music in the background stopped adding up, and bored me. Sitting on that couch, surrounded by "friends" and new people, I felt alone as usual. It became expected, and an activity I participated in only to occupy time.
I met someone new that night. A boy who came off as slightly wild, someone who lives for confrontation. He called me a bitch with his bullhorn and trotted off bedecked with a purple wig. Generally not someone I would occupy my time with. I�m quite petrified by confrontation. Yet, his good taste in music gave him a second chance. Over the next few days and weeks, I began to discover many positive qualities associated with this boy. He was of superior intelligence, made great conversation, had exceptional taste, and was exceedingly friendly towards me.
On this occasion, I had plans with my friend (his roommate) but the night did not go according to plan. So, because of my duty of work the next morning, I decided to go home. Instead, I was tricked into taking a seat and tarried there for the remainder of the night. A small couch, that was fit to my size, is were I laid, and this certain boy with me. Me sitting slightly up, leaning against the arm and the wall, him, a six foot plus male, fashioned into a four foot boy, curled up at the last shard of cushion, cuddling the new life on his bed. Over the next few days, that supreme situation settled within me, and this boy with it. I began to fall in love. Minutes became meaningful, and increasingly unbearable as I counted them all each time I had to wait to see him again.
A year of love passes so quickly, and when so many changes occur in two separate lives that have united, things begin to slip. The world becomes noise and is vexatious when its of real importance to have simple and quiet time. The world, and the beings in it, separate two of a kind with ease. The two lose communication and unknowingly begin to walk away from one another. Soon, when the reality of the situation becomes known, you each reside on separate sides of the canyon and there is no way to cross back over. You yell as a means of communication. There is no answer, there is no cure.
But I still have hope. And not just hope, I still have that same admiration and love that I began this journey with. I never lost it. It was set aside, mixed into a bundle of other things and feelings. That piece of me was placed into the wrong box, and its my job to go digging it out.
Making silly mistakes this time around will only ruin everything that I�ve built, and every future memory I have dreamed of. I understand that this is not something I can rebuild alone. We�ve got to do it together, holding each others hand along the way.
i love you.
lunaadored at 7:53 p.m.